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John van de Ruit- Journal Entry April 21st

admin — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 12:10:16 +0000

21st APRIL
50 Days to launch
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The bugger about growing older is that it’s an invisible act of decay. Like watching a rose bloom, one minute it’s a bulging bud and the next it’s as vast as a cauliflower, falling to pieces, and soiling its vase water. Yesterday, against all odds, I turned 34 years old, which no doubt some of you will think sounds old, and others will deem it mere spring chickendom. The thing is, I felt exactly the same on the morning of my birthday as I’d felt the previous night when I was still a youthful and vigorous 33 year old – apart from the blinding hangover that is. Now 34, I considered my somewhat haggered and unshaven face in the bathroom mirror and tried to analyse my visage dispassionately. My Dorian Gray moment was shattered by a sly mosquito who emerged out of a small potted bathroom fernÂ with intent to give me the Gecko treatment. In Cambodia the nocturnal female mosquitos spread malaria, and by day, a different species of female mozzie spreads Dengue fever. There is no mention of the rare Dawn and Dusk mosquito in my guidebook, although local wisdom has it that they’re devout pacifists that only spread goodwill.
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I lunged forward and thumped my palm into the wall, but the cunning Mrs Dengue evaded my swing and sniggered loudly as my hand crashed into the wall. I am pleased to report that after a swift and bloody battle I triumphed over the death fever carrier and thumped her into the basin in a splatter of blood. But it was my blood on the basin, and my ankle now had a nasty pink welt and itched like hell. Happy Birthday Johnno – you may be 34 but you still have a way with the ladies…
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Jules and I took to the streets of Phnom Penh for a leisurely lunch – well actually it was a debaucherously late breakfast and outside the airconditioned hotel the heat was oppresive and the noise of motorbikes and the chaos of the Asian street was everywhere. We chose a french coffee shop on the corner and settled in for a languid feast and some freshly brewed Khymer coffee. My eyes, as always, scanned the street and then fell upon theÂ coffee shop entrance where a customer waited patiently to be served. He was over three metres tall and weighed in at a portly three and a half tons.
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Jules said calmly, “There’s an elephant on the veranda”. And there he stood in all his glory staring right at us like he was expecting something. My God, I thought, what does one order an elephant in a coffee shop. Bottomless Coffee? A crowd of onlookers gathered, a few cameras snapped away whilst the rest of us gaped at the sight of an elephant in a coffee shop in the middle of a bustling city.
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A chair was brought out and then a vast tray of freshly chopped fruit and twenty or so baguettes soon followed. The elephant waited patiently to be served and then began guzzling his food piece by piece. He never lunged at his grub and waited for somebody to hand him another slice before chewing methodically and swallowing with relish. There was no circus, no disrespect, the waiters fed him like they were feeding a wise old man, in the knowledge that they were in the presence of a great ephemeral beast. Once the food was gone, the elephant’s minder thumped his stick into the ground and uttered a terse instruction. The elephant seemed to smile at us as if grateful for his morsel and then slowly padded back into the street where he merged seamlessly with the traffic and continued his languid journey home.
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We returned to our table and finished our breakfast. Then we ambled out onto the pavement where animated young Cambodian boys chased each other with unrestrained glee and a man who’s legs had been blown off by Pol Pot’s landmines raised his hands desperately towards me.
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“Tuk Tuk?” Shouted a hawker and motioned towards his motorized chariot. “You go Killing Fields?”
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We walked on. It now felt inspiring to be older, to understand more with the aid of less. Ten years ago I could have walked this same walk and witnessed the identical events, then I would have looked, but I wouldn’t have seen.
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J

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John van de Ruit – Journal Entry- April 16th

admin — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 10:02:50 +0000

MAD ABOUT KEP!
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I have always suspected that the ways of our modern society, and all of us that exist within it, are clinically insane if not stark raving bonkers. The notion of a mad world that refuses to acknowledge it’s inner lunatic has permeated just about everythingÂ I have ever written. The problem is – people have always assumedÂ I was joking – another one of the perils of being a deranged moth desperately circulating the glimmering light bulb of comic Nirvana. But believe it my friends, we are all insane and living a dire catch 22 existence of madmen in a world disguised as sane. Even Eckhart Tolle says so – and only an insane would dare argue with him.
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My friends, i don’t want you to be alarmed but i have embraced my inner madman in the last week and i am feeling all the better for it. No more of this “‘author in repose making a sage note in his emerald notebook” business. Oh no, not me! From this point onward i am stir-fried crazy until conclusively proven otherwise. I challenge you to do the same – it’s a highly liberating exercise.
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SoÂ I discovered my inner madness on the rooftop garden of our villa (ingeniously called La Villa) overlooking the tranquillity of mountains covered in jungle, and the turquoise waters of the gulf of Thailand below. Dotted before me amongst the jungle were the odd thatch and red -roofed backpacker hang outs and everywhere was the sound of birds, small creatures and hooting lizards. For the same price as a bog variety B&B in South Africa we lived like Lords over all we surveyed. Everything that seemed so precious over the last year, myself, and the new book, no longer seemed in any way important anymore. I was indeed small up there looking down on all that natural grandeur. You feel small being the only non-Cambodian around – perhaps it’s through utter anonymity that we find our true place in the world. Perhaps not?
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It wasn’t all staring at the view and contemplating our naval however. Jules and I also achieved the following:
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â€¢Â Eating a kilogram of crab each at one sitting. (It only worked out to a fork full of meat in the end but the mess and devastation on our table was a joy to behold.
â€¢Â Our Tuk tuk being driven off the road after being rammed by a Toyota Hilux.
â€¢Â Adopting a giant one-foot-long lizard called Kap Ke. In return for his undying love and attention we merely had to switch on the kitchen light.
â€¢Â Julia typically adopted a black cat which also shared our rooftop garden. We named her Nately’s Whore as a mark of respect to Joseph Heller
â€¢Â I nearly died of asphyxiation after sampling green peppers at the Kampot Pepper Plantation. The guide thought my attack was hilarious.
â€¢Â Attempted to cast our vote but were thwarted by the Khymer New Year which runs through the entire week. All government departments are closed until further notice, so i didn’t get a chance to spoil my ballot as a protest against all politicians and how badly they lead us – yes that even means you Mr Obama!
I have just read an email from my publishers to say that Spud Learning To Fly went to print yesterday. It seems strange to contemplate this possibility from across the world – like everything this week, let’s call it surreal. I wish my little lad well as he becomes more than just the mere sum of his parts, and ventures out into the world as another little voice in the wilderness. Just like us.
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I wish you all good spirits as you contemplate your insanity and that of the world you inhabit.
Big Cambodian love as always
Â
Johnny

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John van de Ruit – Journal Entry- April 7th

admin — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:54:30 +0000

64 DAYS TO LAUNCH!!!
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Dear Spud fans, friends, Romans and people at the wrong website.
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Greetings from Phnom Penh, Cambodia. It’s a week into the trip and I have thankfully settled down after the flurry of finishing the book and then roaring off to bustling Kuala Lumpur. I have finally, after a number of torturous nights watching CNN until dawn, taken control of my jetlag. After attempting numerous techniques to combat this mysterious sleeping disease, i have settled on the cunning ploy of brushing my teeth with single malt whiskey before a bout of shadow wrestling with myself. Works a treat and the headrush is to die for.
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So Phnom Penh is by far the largest city in Cambodia. It’s wild and intimidating when you first arrive, everything is loud and in-your-face and your’e not so sure this is the place for you at all. Within hours of your arrival it begins seducing you, after 3 days of exploring, it’s a love affair. Ramshackle slums and markets sit side by side with centuries old Pagodas and restored French colonial buildings. Beggars and tuk-tuk drivers accost you and small children sell books on genocide in the street cafes and sulk if you don’t make a purchase. Our hotel – The Hotel Castle lies on the riverside overlooking where an elephant strolls past every afternoon blocking up the rush hour traffic on his way home. He works at Wat Phnom, the city’s holiest site, where he offers rides to tourists for five dollars and eats their sticks of sugar cane in return for a posed pic. I kid you not.
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Just cruising the streets or stopping off at a restaurant or bar can be an experienced, although Julia has a growing addiction to adopting mangy street cats so i have to be aware of small furry Rogers wherever i go. Saddened to report that i haven’t yet seen Brad and Angelina scouring the orphanages and backalleys looking for more children athough my recent avid CNN watching revealed Madonna’s hardship in childtrafficking closer to home. Ouch!
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On a more serious tone, the weekend saw usÂ exploring the Killing Fields where Pol Pot’s murderous regime slaughtered thousands of Cambodian men, women, and children who were accused of being enemies of the state. Pol Pot’s Khymer Rouge which devastated the country from 1974-1979 was unimaginably cruel and bloodthirsty. We witnessed a three storey glass monument packed with human skulls and the shallow pits in which the bodies were buried. When you see evidence of so much sensless death, you realise it’s such a fine line between everything you assume that is in your control and the reality that often it isn’t.
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Yesterday and today i have found myself musing about Spud and his incredible journey that began on his first day of boarding school. I think about Leearning To Fly more often now and chuckle at some of the moments that still amuse me. I think too about the new character that i have created and how the readers might react to him. His name is Garlic, and he could be the original Malawian village idiot. I wonder if readers will find him irritating or funny, ideally it will be both – funny how it’s always the newest chicks you feel most protective over.
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I was hoping to share some movie news – but this may have to wait. I can, however, tell you that things are moving along at pace with a few exciting developments. For those of you that dream of movie stardom please DON’T panic. There have been no SA auditions as of yet and when there are, this will be the place you hear it first. I have asked the movie producer Ross Garland to write a movie update, but he seems to be ignoring me. Don’t worry i’ll keep nagging.
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So from here, we’re heading Southwards on Thursday to the remote seaside village of Kep near the Vietnam border. It promises some rural R&R on a hillside above the Gulf of Thailand. I plan to read, walk the hills, and enjoy my sundowners. I’ll catch up with you there if i can find an internet cafe, and i’ll share a few more random tales from the orient.
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In the meantime please consider the following question:
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Should one pat a muzzled dog?
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Spud love
Johnny

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John van de Ruit – Journal Entry – April 1

admin — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 10:09:48 +0000

KUALA LUMPUR (Malaysia) 1st APRIL

71 DAYS to launch

Happy April fools day y’all! SinceÂ my job is to make people laugh and to distract them from their daily lives with idiotic nonsense, i shall therefore desist from attempting an April fool’s joke about myself. Options i considered were:

I’m not coming back.

I’m having a sex change.

I’m racing in Sunday’s Malaysian Grand Prix

I’ve plagiarised Spud, Learning to Fly.

Penguin Books has gone bankrupt.

I’ve bought a brothel.

Macaulay Culkin is playing Spud in the movie!

So back to Malaysia.Â I find myself in the steamy equatorial capital of KL! Okay i thought Durban in February was worth moaning about, but this is a whole different ball game! The taxi driver who ferried us from the airport to the centre of the city yesterday morning was a lively character. He told Julia and I that we were extremely pale Africans and tried to out us as dinkum Aussies! Luckily we found some common ground discussing the Cape Malay culture and the evils of the global economy. He refused to open up about Malaysian politics, which made me immediately suspicious that he may be an undercover Malaysian booktrade operative. When he finally asked me what i did for a living to allow for a 2 month holiday, this is what followed.

MEÂ Â I write books

TAXIÂ Â Â What books?

MEÂ Â Funny books.

TAXI (Laughing hysterically for no apparent reason) Oh funny books!

MEÂ Â It’s set in a boarding school.

TAXIÂ Â Oh Harry Potter!

MEÂ Â Â Except without the magic.

TAXIÂ No magic?

MEÂ Â None.

TAXIÂ Â Nothing?

ME No magic.

The taxi driver doesn’t look impressed and falls silent for the remainder of the journey.

So there we were last night sittingÂ at a sidewalk cafe, drinking Tiger beer, and devouring beef cantonese whilst watching the passing trade ofÂ this bustling Asian city. I love this place. I love cruising the streets at night with no other goal but to drink it all in. The foot massage was also a triumph – i could feel the stress and tension of a year behind the laptop leaving my body. It kind of made me want to whistleÂ or perhaps sing a loud hymn in the streets. Unfortunately my sleeping times are shot being 6hrs ahead of SA and all. I only fell asleep at 4am this morning and awoke at 1400. Hopefully that rectifies itself soon because i’m losing out on free breakfasts.

So tonight it’s into Chinatown to check out theÂ throbbing underbelly of KL. On Friday morning we leave for Phnom Penh, the capital city of Cambodia where our backpacking begins in earnest. I’ll catch up with you there, and hopefully shall have some exciting news about Spud the Movie to share with you.

You all be good
love
J

John van de Ruit – Journal Entry- April 7th 64 DAYS TO LAUNCH!!! Â Dear Spud fans, friends, Romans...
John van de Ruit – Journal Entry- April 16th MAD ABOUT KEP! Â I have always suspected that the...
John van de Ruit- Journal Entry April 21st 21st APRIL 50 Days to launch Â The bugger about...

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